Singular.

The first day is pretty tough. I want to say it's the worst but I could be wrong because I hardly ever get through it and the times that I have I can't ever remember how hard it was after that. But I've past the first day and I'm on my third. The fight never stops. I usually just decide thats not true. Or I decide that thats enough to not even fight in the first place. But doing something no one believed you'd ever do is most incredible feeling. I want to feel strong, on top of the world on a daily basis. I want to feel incredible, always. Thats why I fight. I may feel alone, I may be alone, I may live in a singular world, this may be true so why not enjoy my own company?

IF

The ifs in life are what throw me. I mean IF I go to college in canada and IF I do the graphic design thing what IF I hate it? What IF I can't keep up? IF I fail I don't know what I'd do. I'm so afraid of taking a chance because I don't know what I want to do. I wish I didn't feel this much pressure but I do. IF I can't handle it how will I cope?

I'll be seeing you.

I might have doubt of waiting for what I am worth, but the difference is the fact that I stopped settling. Maybe because the opportunities for settling have been a bit sparse, you could say. I do believe that one day love will happen to me, maybe not too far off or maybe the day before I die. I still believe that one day it will or perhaps you will find me.

Ready, set, NO!

Mind blocking myself. I know what I want to accomplish and it's all in my head but when I try to express it it looks like I'm a mediocre wannabe artist. Or just someone who wishes they could draw. I just can't seem to do anything I want.

To the broken, you are not alone.

Once in awhile I'll sink down to the bottom of the ocean and let life wash over me and I will wish it would all cease to exist, but then that moment ends and I swim to shore. Maybe life isn't easy and maybe the easy parts make it even more difficult to bare the hard parts. Maybe we are all just living to die, but I don't know. And I think that's the point, to not know, but still live.

In need of an opportunity.

I find myself feeling as if I screwed myself over, but then I realize to do so I would need the opportunity in the first place. I never had that hot guy chooses slightly too pretty to be a loser but still is a loser girl out of all the perfectly bitchy popular girls he could ever want fairy tale. I never really got the regular high school relationship one either. I kind of missed out on that picnic basket, but hey, it could be worse. I just lacked the opportunity. Who says I couldn't have flourished given the chance? Right.....?

Building the ark.

A hurricane is coming so I'm trapped inside until further notice. Unfortunately the ark wasn't finished in time and we wont be filing in two-by-two.

The end of something.

So it's over, four long and hellish years of hormones and bad hair. Now I'm on my way to the rest of it all. I hope I get my scholarship and my dream school. I hope I save money and travel in the mean time. Great things are on there way. Hopefully.

Chasing change.

My new thing is excepting the fact that everything will, and is going to change. It's a lot comforting to except that fact rather then remain in denial. I'm moving to New York for a couple months and I like to think it's my duty to go through a full transformation while I'm away from home. Also I got completely denied by this guy I really like so if I can come home hotter, more confident, and with a sense of purpose then I think I'm obligated to do so. If not for me, then for all the girls out there that got denied by a boy who works at a fucking movie theatre.